Is Your (Inner) Child Running your Life?
Yes, that’s a thing. For most of us, on some level.
Our inner child is the one who is triggered and reactionary to our environment. They may feel fearful, judgmental, angry, and out of control at times. They are the one with their little hands on our triggers.
Do you ever wonder sometimes why you “overreact” to a situation, and you can see it, but you really don’t feel like you can control it either?
Your inner child may be just lurking in the background, but quite often, they are steering your ship. Without awareness of this, you are at the helm of someone who has countless reasons to steer you in the wrong direction. Not intentionally of course, they are merely trying to protect themselves, and you. Here’s why.
Your inner child is sort of stuck in time, in your body. An imprint of energy if you will, from another time in life (1979 perhaps). This stuck energy is voiced by whomever you were at whatever point in time in your life when some confusing/traumatic events may have happened. They may be you at age 5, 9, or god forbid, 15!
When we were children and teenagers, we dealt with things that may have been more than we could handle. Even with the best of parents, there are always experiences that could have been handled better or where we could have received more support and loving guidance. Nobody is perfect, and it certainly doesn’t help to blame them now (plus it would actually be a child, blaming a child).
If in any given moment in our childhood and teenage years (or beyond), we have an experience we couldn’t cope with, that moment in time is imprinted inside our energy body. And in that moment, we had an emotional response to stimuli (fear, anger, grief), that we couldn’t manage, and so we suppressed it. We then developed a coping strategy that created a pattern of behavior that followed us through life.
A faulty way of thinking that most people subscribe to, is that this is your “personality”. It isn’t. It is just the way you’ve been living for so long that it feels like you. But trust me, it isn’t.
You are the peaceful Soul beneath the human experience. Meditation is a very helpful practice, and in my experience, a key to healing it all. This is because it takes understanding and connecting to this peaceful self, to be able to separate from your thoughts enough to understand that they are not you. You are the witness that lies beneath.
This Inner child energy is Universal to us all, and the key to healing and becoming whole. Beneath most of us, in our energy body, lies a scared or confused child who didn’t know how to cope with certain circumstances.
Imagine yourself as a baby, who like everyone at some point, is completely dependent upon your family for survival. Some of you are reading this and probably cringing at the thought, because you know you had parents or guardians who were ill equipped.
The baby cries in her crib because she is hungry or wet and nobody comes to the call, so she eventually gives up. Other times she needs comfort, and nobody is around to pick her up and offer her love, or, they do so with an energy of resentment or anger. Her care is inconsistent.
You as the adult will likely not have any conscious memories of this, but the baby that was you in this scenario, is programmed that your survival needs are not met consistently and you lose trust. Energy is imprinted in your body that you can’t trust that your basic needs will be met or that you are unworthy and underserving. You may have deep fear wounds or scarcity mindset that prevents you from feeling joyful and abundant.
Maybe as a child you were witness to scary scenes in your life, or worse, abused. You might detach from your body and/or lose the ability to form boundaries. Having a body that is on high alert for danger is something that may follow you through life. You may have a fear of trusting anyone, preventing you from having fulfilling relationships. Whatever coping mechanisms the baby or child in you created to be able to handle her situation, were automatic, and became a pattern of behavior that continues responding to triggering stimuli.
As an adult, you falsely think this is your personality. You may think you are flawed. But that isn’t it. It is inner child energy stuck in your body that needs to be seen and released. And it can be done, and is easier than you think.
When we acknowledge our traumas, we loosen the grip that they have on us and eventually, set them free from our body forever. Though the memory may not disappear, the body will not reflect the strangle hold it once did and so it doesn’t have the same effect.
Maybe you were a kid who had to endure listening to violent fights between your parents, and had to shut your feelings down to help protect your younger siblings. Maybe you were the caretaker for your younger siblings because your parents had to work. It doesn’t always have to be some big level of Trauma. If you were a young kid who had to take on more responsibility than you were equipped to handle, you could carry with you a level of inadequacy in everything you do.
There could be a fear of taking on a new challenges or opportunities, or you may shut down completely when responsibilities come up. The child that was you, had to push through this and “be brave”, but in doing so, they buried what they were truly feeling, to cope with a situation they couldn’t get away from.
So as an adult, you may be locked inside your body with this energy of a child who still feels like they cannot handle what life presents them. You may struggle with avoidance, bury yourself with addiction, or move through life with high levels of stress and anxiety.
When we are triggered by this inner child, we typically look outward with blame or go inward with shame. Either way we often shut down our ability to get a handle on what is going on. We cope by seeking others to fill our void, attempting to control everything and everyone us, which is futile, or avoiding life and interactions completely in hopes to “control our triggers.”
The main idea I want you to understand is – IT ISN’T YOU.
So much of our patterns go completely undetected because well, we believe that they are US. “It’s just who we are.” “There’s nothing we can do”.
It is important to realize that these behaviors and thoughts are not ours in the ‘now’. These patterns of behavior were what we needed to help protect us as kids. But as adults, they bind us to very limited views and experiences and prevent us from the ability to live in the NOW.
Self-awareness is the key to understanding and freeing this inner child energy. And to know that this stuff keeps resurfacing, so that we can deal with it. Part of our soul’s path is reconciling the experiences in our lives so we may become our whole selves.
We must take accountability for our own behaviors, thoughts, and actions. We must be able to look within and understand where our triggers may be coming from. We must be there for our inner child energy and comfort them as we would if they were a child standing before us. This takes tuning into the feelings that arise in your body.
When you are triggered, where do you feel this energy manifesting in your body? Can you lay your hands on that part of your body and take deep breaths? Can you let the scary feelings and deep emotions arise and be there for the child that is feeling them? Can you speak to this energy with love and understanding so as to reset and release the energy for the YOU that is here and now?
It sounds a little wonky to some I’m sure, but I have done this many times and each time I’ve released this energy I feel lighter, and it is gone for good. Yes, there may be tears and heavy emotions that come up, but it takes way less effort on your body to let them surface and leave, than it does to keep them pressed down.
Most people live in the grips of the inner child their entire lives, without waking up to the understanding of who they really are. But more people are awakening to their true essence now than ever. And this is a part of that awakening. Seeing and releasing the inner child energy in you that has been running your life, will free you to live the life you’ve always wanted. Untethered. The child in you just wants to feel safe, and it is well in your power to help them.
But also, it is okay to ask for help from others. One of the things I had to reconcile, were my feelings of being unworthy of love and support from others. I’d had a neglectful childhood leading to my inner child feeling unworthy. The truth is, we are all worthy, because we are here.
As a healer and a coach, I am passionate about helping others through the journey to reconnecting with their true Whole self. I’ve been on both sides of self-healing, and I’ve suffered from the emotional struggles and chronic pain that ensued from holding on too tight.
I’ve found peace and surrendered to my Soul’s path, and the other side is more beautiful than my smaller self could have ever imagined. If you need help on your journey, I am here for you. You are worthy and deserving of living a fulfilling life with joy, peace, and abundance. Connect with me if you feel called to.
I am an Intuitive Reiki master energy healer and Holistic Wellness coach with experience on this path. You can find me at Healthytothesoul.com